loves

commitment.

something all girls want.

i mean, what's the point of being in a LTR when commitment is not involved?

(almost) 6 years is a long time for a relationship. we're almost 24 and have been tgt since we were 18, for goodness sake!

mention of commitment only came up once and that was when you were in trouble.

after that, nothing.

what happened to whatever was mentioned?

is it only when something bad happens then you will start thinking about the future?

and the reason why i opposed to getting the macbook --> not because i feel that it is a waste of money or what. it just shows the willingness to stick to what was said.

what happened to starting to save money?

at the rate that everything is going, do you really expect me to wait till i'm 30? sorry, but that is totally not ideal for me.

i dont see the slightest willingness to start. i dont even see the first step being taken.

look around us.

what is happening around us?

isnt it funny? the people who have dated the longest dont even have a single goal in place.

if you feel that it wont happen, just tell me. then i will know what is going to happen in the future. just dont keep me hanging on to promises that are not going to be fulfilled.

this will probably be the last time i am going to mention anything about this.

remember,

commitment.

Labels: ah fat, rants

sometimes, you feel as if there is nothing left, nothing interesting or exciting anymore.

but when you see him and you literally feel your mood lift, you know that something is still there.

and you just wish that you could snuggle up with him everynight and when you do get to do it, it just feels so....nice.

:)

Labels: ah fat, random

as usual, disappeared from the face of the earth.

dont know what happened, dont really have the energy to care.

seems like you dont really care abt me as well.

i'm really tired, and not feeling good. yet, there isn't even a peep of a sound of concern frm you.

why cant you take the initiative to come down to my place to find me? why is it always me who has to go all the way to the east to find you?

simply dont understand. jus makes me wonder if you care abt me as much as i care abt you.

Labels: ah fat, rants

leading a have-bf-but-feels-like-no-bf life.

no calls or sms. smses to you not replied, calls ended abruptly.

no meetings.

ages since we went out tgt. past "dates" were cancelled/forgotten due to whatever reasons.

simple requests not met.

whatever.

maybe you think i am ok with it, but i'm not.

but now i dont care anymore.

one putting in effort while the other doesnt is tiring.

guess who's the tired one.

Labels: ah fat, rants

i know this is like the n-th time tht i'm saying this, but i'm really really dying for KOREAN CLASSES!!! GAHHHHHHH! honestly, this is upsetting me...=( after my driving i'm going to sign up for korean classes!

speaking of driving, i finally had my 2nd lesson today. totally nerve-wrecking cos i had to drive on the main roads and do totally tough stuff like u-turn and lane change! omg my right leg was cramping up and my knuckles hurt after class cos i was griping the wheel so tightly!

after class, i went to imm to shop for vampire books! surprisingly, popular had the 1st book to the sookie stackhouse series. grabbed it immediately and now i cant stop reading. bought another vampire series but have not started yet. waiting for true blood season 2!! oh yea. i'm kinda pissed tht i didnt get the collector's set for twilight. didnt expect popular to stock it! it comes in tht nice little box to house all the twilight books!! now my books are all slightly mangly, bought book covers to make them look a little prettier but new moon seems a little bigger?! cant fit into the book cover i bought! zzz.

ok gonna head back to my books! *happy*

[edit @ 2.46am] omg i finished my sookie stackhouse book!! in 7hrs! damn it! contemplating if i should order the rest from kino...feel so deprived after finishing one book. =(

anyway i was jus recapping my driving lesson jus now, and i cant wait to get my license la! driving is like damn fun!! its like playing real-life daytona. hah! but one thing i cant stand about my instructor is when he says "一点点" he doesnt really mean it! i took it literally and he say i didnt turn at all. -_-"'

another random thought. i was asking kang if he wants his daughter to be like 小西瓜 from 百万小学堂 or more like wonderbaby. and he actually said wonderbaby. -_-!!

Labels: ah fat, books, driving, hanguk, random, twilight

feelings are detemined by people who matter, not by any other people.

was feeling really angry and hurt by this particular sp***r, called kang and lorraine to seek opinions.

am glad tht i did the best i can, i dont feel tht i am in any wrong at all.

anyway, smth happened today, or rather it was piling up to this particular conclusion.

feel tht it is a blessing in disguise; through these we learn how much we have grown up.

i'm holding you true to your words, SMSes will be kept as evidence ok!

no more 10 years! yes!!!

Labels: ah fat, me, random

when i heard tht pig was REALLY coming to singapore in april, i felt fucked.

but thanks to kang and wei's undying believe and neverending consolation, i'm feeling much better! ^^

and kang is getting me wallet frm genting! wee~

thursday is coming, which means no school! then weekend is approaching soon. i'm so looking forward to school-less days.

i flunked my test, feeling kinda upset over it. have to work hard for the assignment and final exam now. =(

this is totally random. still feeling hyped over how hot ji hoo is in today's ep!!

Labels: ah fat, boys before flowers, random, work, xiao zhu

"when he starts blaming you for loss of freedom, thts when he doenst love you anymore."

heard this on the radio on the way home.

they also said tht there's no way you can crave for freedom when you're in love. marriage is sacrificing freedom.

jus wanna blog this down as i find it interesting.

am supposed to start on my assignment, but all i wanna do is watch shinhwa 10th anniversary concert. how how how?

yesterday was our 55th month! omg so many mths already? going to be 60mths soon!

should i add more hair extensions in? thinking of adding more in, i want thick hair!

Labels: ah fat, me, random, shinhwa

newest latest timetable is out. i have thursday free, no class on tht day. dont know whether to feel happy or upset over it. tuesday supposed to have 1hr class only but now i have class till 1630. and tuesday is ah fat's off day! if only he can change his off day to thursday........

school is boring and un-motivating as usual. cant wait for school days to quickly fly past. sigh. finding ways and means to enrich my life!

anyway i cant stop watching/listening to BoA's new song! omg her performance is seriously the best! she has rekindled her place as my IDOL yet again. needless to say, she's damn hot and pretty now!

HER HAIR IS SERIUSLY HOT. I WANT!!!!

can my hair grow faster please! this is like THE hairstyle tht i'm yearning for! frm the side-swept fringe to the length to the colour! how to achieve this fringe?! i've been trying to since i got my haircut! gahhhh!

gonna refrain frm cutting hair anymore. either tht or give in to my hair-extension crave. zzz.

gotta slp early. morning class tmr. sigh.

Labels: ah fat, fangirl, me, obssessions, work

NYE and NY was spent in JB with the fat, amos and sheryl.

had much fun pigging out and jus hanging out with them.

ended 2008 with one of the most delicious meals ever.

oatmeal prawns, gong bao frog, sambal sting ray, sambal kang kong, oyster omelette, salad you tiao. YUMMY! and chheap as well!

after our meal, we headed to some random pub at a hotel for drinks and countdown. on our way there, we saw people releasing fireworks behind a row of shop houses. manage to catch the fireworks show up close. pretty!

played monopoly over drinks at the pub with amos silly rules, resulting in 4 of us finishing 4 bottles of heineken and 1 bottle of red wine. kinda woozy after tht, went for supper without feeling very hungry. maggi goreng and the fried chicken was really delicious, pity i wasnt hungry enough to gobble down my own portion. =(

headed to amos' hse with the intention of continuing our monopoly session, but everyone was too tired so we jus watched dvds. finished quarantine (not nice at all!) and half of big stan. sleep was too tempting and couldnt tahan anymore.

nxt day was woken up early in the morning by amos's loud talking. LOL. went for brunch at a coffeeshop and shopping next!

nth interesting happened after tht and we headed back to singapore at night.

overall, it was a fun trip with lots of eating! i like! i very much prefer spending the major countdowns in quiet homely affairs as compared to squeezing with tons of people and sweating like crazy. =)

Labels: ah fat

i'm finally 22!

thanks for all the wishes, sms, facebook wall post, friendster comments!

honestly, i dont feel much different, jus feeling older. birthday also didnt feel like any special day, jus an outing day with the girls.

photos will be up in facebook when i'm free-er.

i remember when i was young, i told my mum i want to be married at 22. now tht i'm 22, i'm starting to think if its too young. truthfully, i CAN imagine myself married now, at least engaged. however, marriage is a two-way thing, doesnt mean tht i can imagine myself married and i want to get married means i will be married. i still need to find the one person who is willing to marry me right? oh well, luckily none of my friends are getting married now or else i'll definitely be bitten hard by the wedding bug!

anyways! counting down to 7 more days before the ah fat comes back! omg i'm so happy and excited! its been a long 2 weeks, waiting and waiting for him. how come i'm always the one waiting huh! i dont care, nxt will be me going on a 10weeks trip to korea for my korean course! muahaha~ (though tht may happen anytime frm now to 5yrs later..=\)

i know my blog has been boring due to the lack of pictures, but i promise i'll try to improve the situation ok? anyways, reminder to self: have yet to meet up with zhiweitao, cher and the chums.

[edit]
omg i know my birthday is (almost) over, but can i jus ask for this?! i want the agnes b limited edition starry tote in large size! omg its so pretty and i LOVE stars~ however, i cant decide on which colour! pink or red?!?! need to go check out the real item. gahh....

Labels: ah fat, birthday, crescentians

my dream came true of the 2 and 1/3 time again yesterday! why 2 and 1/3? cos only andyah and junjin came yesterday. sigh. if only all of them were here, i'd be happier. but it wont be happening for a long time, cos eric is in the army, and the rest will be entering soon as well, except for my sung. sigh.

last night was quite high cos the all the koreans ard me. heh. seo in young is so pretty! i really really like her now man. catching up on WGM currently. wondergirls are so great as well! 2pm too! hehs.

been hermit crab-ing lately. hiding at home to read and watch shows. sigh. life without ah fat is really boring. at least now i'm almost done with heroes season 2.

holidays are coming real soon, can foresee my days will be spent holed up at home, snuggled in bed with a book or with my lappie. i'm glad i can borrow 8 books frm the library now.

intended to head down to square 2 to catch jewelry, but was too tired and lazy to make the trip down. oh well, i'm watching seo in young online now too!

anyway photos of kpop night are in my facebook. go check it out!

Labels: ah fat, fangirl, random

sigh.

its MY birthday, why am i worrying so much?

why should i care if so and so will feel weird or not?

maybe i'm expecting too much by thinking tht since its MY birthday everyone should give in to me? is it too much?

or am i just asking for too much by wanting to throw everyone together?

this is what you get when you dont have a specific clique. this is what you get when you dont have a PERSON.

i'm fucking upset. plus ah fat has been MIA for almost 3 days.

pms is rearing its ugly head.

i jus wanna hide at home everyday.

no plans for my birthday.

where are you when i need you? probably in some desert mingling with kangaroos. ='(

Labels: ah fat, rants

ahthe nights are most unbearable.

no actually the mornings are.

or maybe even afternoons in class.

come to think of it, every minute is unbearably long.

are you missing me as much as i am missing you?

i cant wait.

looking forward to your next form of contact.

counting down to your return.

16nov.

18 more days.

sigh....

Labels: ah fat

spent the past few nights looking at old photos of me and kang and crescentians. super hilarious yet brought back many many memories.

wish tht i could go back in time, enjoy crescent life all over again. sigh.

birthday in exactly a month's time, thinking of what i want for my birthday! heh. shall go window shopping soon! =P

anyway, was thinking of having nice steamboat for my birthday but decided that i want to go to jumbo seafood! i have not settled my craving for crabs so my birthday's got to be the best time to have them right! my dear crescentians (lor's group + zhi's group), can we go for a feast at jumbo? the outlet at the indoor stadium! very pretty~ more people going = more food to order! can have all kinds of crabs! wee~

sigh. ah fat wont be around during my birthday! T_T

schoolwork is piling up, but i cant seem to stop watching shows online. zzz

my blog is turning random and boring. =(

Labels: ah fat, birthday, crescentians, me

feeling bored on a sunday afternoon.

have been spending my time watching heroes season1&2, gossip girl season2, grey's anatomy season5 and ugly betty season3.

these resulted in a very gossipgirl dream. dreamt of serena, dan, chuck. dreamt tht i was in love with chuck, in love with his tough exterior but torn and broken interior. dream was too surreal and too weird. i'm going to end up watching gossip girl with a different mentality frm now on. gahhh.

need to buy an external HDD soon, my lappy is exploding with all the downloads going on.

wish tht i was back in genting. loved the weather so much tht i kept making kang walk outside with me. cold and constantly having my head in the clouds. super relaxing, only problem was i kept feeling hungry and had to eat every other hour. gahhhh!!

will blog proper when i have smth interesting to blog abt. for now, will go back to my heroes!

Labels: ah fat, fangirl, gossip girl, random

emo feelings heaping on and on.

sometimes i wonder why i like to self-torture so much. reading their blogs, making myself feel their lost. does it make me want to cherish more? or does it simply make me paranoid of losing?

today, her post brought tears to my eyes again. i dont blame her for feeling tht way. its natural, to want to end the suffering once and for all. now, i feel tht all heartbreaks tht i've been through have been so trivial. i think the ultimate heartbreak is losing FOREVER, as in the person is no longer there.

i guess life revolves ard all the could-have-beens.

jus found out lately tht one of my good friends in school is best buddies with the gf of one of my ex-bfs. suddenly overcame with a weird feeling, some emotion tht i couldnt place my finger on. i guess its curiosity? wanting to know how he has been since so many years ago, what has been going on and all tht.

shared with lorraine the piece of news. she asked if i regretted? i said no, not at all. i said you'll only regret when you're unhappy with your current relationship, so i do not regret.

maybe kang and i did not turn out the way i envisioned us to be, but at the end of the day, i dont regret. i dont deny tht sometimes a small nagging at the back of my mind asks me what could have been? but at the end of the day, majority of the time, i dont question.

i always question myself, is this out of habit or still love? i cant answer tht queston, the line has been blurred. habit, yes, to an extend. it has been four years, of cos its a habit. its a habit tht when i have smth to share, be it happy or sad, the first one i think of is kang. its a habit tht weekends will be spent with him, unless i'm super tired or have other commitments. its a habit tht if we dont have plans to go out, i'll automatically head over to his place.

yet at the same time, there is still love. the feeling when his arm automatically hugs my shoulders when we're walking, the feeling of holding hands, of hugging, still feels so good, like the first time. there's jus so much being transmitted through touch.

emo emo thoughts and random ranting. suddenly my mind drew a blank after working overdrive in the earlier part of this blog. sigh.

Labels: ah fat, random

sch is seriously boring. i cant wait for lessons to start proper. briefings are jus a waste of time. seriously zzz inducing.

good news is no sch for this week till fri! yipee~ i'm gonna sleep in and plant myself in front of the comp. =D

i'm thinking of buying either a 2nd hand phone or getting my beloved 7390 fixed. sigh. the bloody iphone is taking ages to arrive! and playing with kang's sis' iphone yesterday made me more gian in getting one! grrr...

latest news is tht it will be out on aug 22! if the date keeps getting pushed back, i think all those who are on the reservation list will get sian very soon. kinda like the boy who cried wolf. the singtel who cried iphone!?

saturday night's ride in an open-top convertible was definitely an eye-opener and hair-raising experience!

happy 4th anniversary! thanks for all the silly-ness. =D

Labels: ah fat, gadgets, work

upsets.

i thought buying the puzzle will be a happy thing.

but seems like its causing me so much unhappiness.

sigh. spent last night wondering if you're pissed with me and tonight will most definitely be the same.

upset....

i knew you gave in to me by agreeing to buy the puzzle for me. i feel so bad....

i didnt mean to be like tht..jus tht maybe we work differently....upset upset upset....

[edit]
cellphone popcorn!

omg this is so cool!![/edit]

Labels: ah fat, random

i'm enjoying my holidays like crazy right now, though for some short moments when insanity strikes me, i kinda miss my kids. when term 3 starts, i wont be their form teacher anymore... half relieved and half sad. =\

i'm having a really good time now, waking up whenever i want to and jus rotting in front of the comp everyday, heading out to shop, drink tea and all tht! super relaxing!

i had super much fun today, went to meet kang at suntec and had kenny rogers! yummy! 1000000 times better than the genting one!

then we proceeded to the arcade to scoop sweets! haha super exciting and fun, we hit the jackpot using less than $30 and we started with only 2 boxes filled! happy~ look what we won!

these 2 plus a round cushion plus 1kg of sweets tht we changed into a tinklebelle toy!

super exciting! when we hit the jackpot i was so happy! i think this is more fun than the ufo catcher, at leaset for this we can see definite results! hehehe.

on another happy note, IDA jus announced FULL NUMBER PORTABILITY!! wee~ i've been waiting for this day for ages, kept hanging on to my old mobile number and refusing to jump telcos. now i'm jumping telcos for sure! gonna get the viewty, i like the 5mp camera, plus eric and seo in young are using it! muahahaha.....

Labels: ah fat, fangirl, gadgets

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